Tormented Unwanted Squirrel!

Did you see that movie Up? Did you know that the guy who wrote it is from this neighborhood? And that some of the forest scenes were from his memories of the park & creek that I walk at every day?

I poop at that park!

It’s like I’m almost famous!

And my mom does this voice of Wall-E that drives me crazy! It’s like Wall-E’s voice is also from my neighborhood!

We are so happening here in Bloomington Minnesota.

Do not stalk me.

So. What have you been doing since I last posted? Not that I really care. I was just trying to get you to ask me what I’ve been doing since I last posted.

It’s been pretty tough here at my house. I’ve been very neglected. Only two meals a day and two walks to the park a day. My Kong ball only gets filled every once in a great while. And that damn kitty won’t let me sit on her or put my mouth over her head.

My mom went out and got a stinky pedicure yesterday. My pedicures are never that stinky. But I wish I could get that stuff on my nails that looks like salmon.

Question. Does your mom also torment you by putting her feet by your face and then yelling “No! Do not lick the toes?”

I mean, really. Aren’t toes for licking?

Lady. Let me lick your toes. Please. I don’t ask for much. Just let me lick.

What is the deal lately with mom putting stuff on me and then telling me to Stay! ?

Do I look like Dooce’s Chuck?

Oh. I do? Kind of?

Chuck should be this gorgeous.

Also? Is that a cross on the bracelet she set on me? Should my mom be touching crosses, taunting Jesus?

Jesus might have missed her when she was out for lunch with her friend, Dick, recently. Killing the guy at the table across the restaurant. But Jesus has been working on his aim ever since, I’m guessing, and is going to make sure to hit her with the lightning bolt next time she pisses him off. I don’t want to be any part of that wrath.

You know, though, that’s kind of pretty. I’d like one of those pretty bracelets with the cross.

I bet they’d poop out real pretty.