I Write the Songs that Make the Whole World Sing

Except for a couple of things, my mom is THE BEST DOG MOM EVER!

She washed my blankie today. Man, I love my blankie. It’s dark (I can’t really tell what color it is because I’m a dog and I don’t know from my colors. Oh, and I don’t really know what that means – “colors” – Is colors edible?)

We’ve been going on walks, thank you very much where were all the walks earlier this winter? I like the walks but man, I HATE THAT LEASH ON MY FACE!

What is up with that? A leash on my face? How humiliating!

I’m trying to get that damned thing off but I CAN NOT GET THAT DAMNED THING OFF NO MATTER HOW MUCH I RUB MY FACE ON THE SNOW AND THE ICE AND THE ROAD AND THE SNOW AND THE ICE AND THE ROAD AND THE SNOW AND THE ICE AND THE ROAD AND THE SNOW!

Stupid leash. I miss Chuck. I can’t go and find chuckchuckchuck if I can not run free!

Oh! I forgot to tell you something! There’s this guy who keeps sleeping in our house. I don’t know him and I don’t trust him and I don’t like him! He looks like a fat version of my dad. Oops. I’m not supposed to call him dad. I mean my “owner” (like I can ever be owned – born freeeeeeee, as free as the grass grows, as free as my leash goes, born free to follow your nose!!!! ) Anyhoodle. I’m going to keep barking and growling at this guy until he knows it ain’t right that he’s sleeping in our house. We got enough people in this house. There’s me and the cat, who’s head fits in my mouth, the other cat who’s kind of a bitch but what have you, my mom, my pretend owner, those two skinny teenaged boys who are really really really really really funny and nice. We don’t need no round bald guy sleeping on our couch! I don’t care who’s brother he is! He doesn’t bring me treats or rub my belly? He is no one to me!